ποΈ Episode 114: Why the Fuck Do I Keep Getting My Hopes Up?
ποΈ Episode 114: Why the Fuck Do I Keep Getting My Hopes Up?
π Why do we keep getting our hopes up when life keeps disappointing us? And is lowering our expectations actually protecting us, or just stealing our joy?
Well, buckle up, because apparently my husband forgetting our wedding anniversary sent me down one hell of a psychological rabbit hole. ππ«
Yep. Seven years of marriage. ONE anniversary date. And somehow, here we are. π
But this episode isn't really about a forgotten anniversary. It's about something much bigger.
It's about disappointment, expectations, emotional exhaustion, and that annoying little voice in our heads that says, "Don't get too excited."
Because somewhere along the way, I think I got really fucking good at preparing for disappointment instead of actually looking forward to things.
And apparently, there's a psychological term for some of that shit: defensive pessimism. π§
You know, when you lower your expectations because you think it'll hurt less if things don't work out?
Spoiler alert: It's not nearly as comforting as it sounds.
π We're talking marriage struggles, missing the excitement in relationships, career frustrations, friendships, and what happens when life disappoints you enough times that you start protecting yourself by expecting absolutely nothing.
But we're also talking about something I didn't realize I was missing.
β¨ The joy of looking forward to something.
Remember when you could get ridiculously excited about a vacation, a concert, a date night, or even fucking Pizza Hut on a Friday?
When did everything become "We'll see" instead of "I can't fucking wait"? π€·ββοΈ
πΉ In This Episode, We're Talking About:
π Disappointment in relationships β Why a forgotten anniversary hurt more than I expected.
π§ Defensive pessimism β Why our brains lower expectations to protect us from getting hurt.
π© The fear of getting our hopes up β How constantly expecting disappointment can become a habit.
π Marriage and emotional connection β Missing the excitement of being with someone, even when they're right beside you.
π© Emotional exhaustion in midlife β When everything feels like another responsibility instead of something to look forward to.
β¨ Anticipatory joy β Why looking forward to something can be part of the happiness itself.
π©΅ Learning to hope again β Allowing ourselves to get excited without needing to know exactly how things will turn out.
π Here's What I'm Realizing...
Maybe getting my hopes up isn't the fucking problem.
Maybe believing I was stupid for having hope every time I'm disappointed is the problem.
Because I don't want to stop caring. I don't want to stop getting excited. And I sure as hell don't want to spend the rest of my life being so good at protecting myself from disappointment that nothing makes me happy anymore.
Maybe I can be excited about something AND not know how it's going to turn out.
Maybe both things can exist at the same time. π€―
π§ So grab your drink and join me for an unfiltered conversation about managing expectations, navigating disappointment, marriage, midlife, and figuring out how to look forward to life again.
Because life is chaotic enough without talking ourselves out of the good shit before it even happens. π©΅
πΉ Stay real. Stay chaotic. And keep a drink close.
β SteF with an F π§